That didn't last long.

Well, I was laid off in March. My boss said just try to hold on this won't be forever. In the meantime I worked 2 part time jobs. In may he started... I think I will be able to bring you back in a few weeks. (I was working there 1 morning a week.) Then...June, July, August, September....Ok I want you to come back. I need you full time in October! Finally!!!! I was broke! I had been through I want you to help with my NEW business, I want you to sell....I want you to do both, no new business...no sell...Finally It was sell...full time with a smaller base and commission. Fine I needed the security of a regular paycheck. So I start...My first day I say I am going to lunch (3:00 pm...had been there since 8:30 am) He says ...you might as well go home it isn't like you are getting paid to be here...What!!??? So I go to lunch and come back ( had an appt. for a sale) then I ask him before he leaves for the weekend...what do you mean...He says JUST SELL!!! Monday, after a sleepless weekend, I come back and he tells me I can just come in 4 hours a day and just get commission...I am hot at this point, but I figure it is better than nothing....a week later after this he calls one evening to tell me one company won't let him run the other...so no job for me...What???? Make up my mind!!!
The man is a nice boss when I worked the last 3 years for him. understanding...for the most part. He even asked me before starting his new venture, concerned that he would let me down by not keeping his other opened full time.
I am just so frustrated...and broke. What is up with people today. He said he wanted to help me, he didn't want to lose a good employee...well...I don't want to lose my water or electric.
Got an interview that day...another commission only job..."will be slow at first" gggrrreeeaaattt. I need money now, and I am sick of sales!
ok, Maybe if I hide under a rock for the next few weeks the bill collectors won't find me. who needs water anyway...LOL JK

What's up with that?

It is ironic. It seems I either have time OR money. Never both. I either have time to do all the things I want to do but have no money to do any of them OR I have enough money to do a few things but no time whatsoever to get them done. Today however I have neither! LOL.
How can people do it. I work my pants off. I have 1 full time job and 2 part time jobs and still can't make ends meet.
After paying for the bad habits, food for teenagers, travel for work and school, regular bills, emergencies, senior year for 2 high schooler's...(incl. pics, gowns, proms, rings, help in fundraisers, senior trip, invitations, grad party, grad present,......) Insurance, and all the other Necessities.....I have nothing left....who am I kidding I have nothing left BEFORE I get done paying for the necessities!
The kids and hubby think I am made of money. The hubby gives me his check to pay bills, he knows what the bills are. Yes I work....and he knows that both our checks barely cover the regular bills....what makes him think I can stretch a dollar to make 1000? I am not super woman!
I have friend that have new houses, new cars, a home full of new furniture and teenagers. How do they do it? I can't seem to get by each month.
No savings, No retirement, very little insurance.....They say you need all these things, but I am not even getting by paycheck to paycheck. How are we suppose to buy insurance when paying for our water is a problem?
Unless I don't sleep at all I can't work any more jobs....OK some help at home would be great too.
I want so much to do for my kids....and I hear..."well Susie's parents got it for her....and she doesn't have to help and she got THESE invitations.....and why do I have to...." I can't answer that I WANT to buy them the best of everything. I want to buy them the cool clothes, new car, the trips abroad. But when faced with ...5000 for a trip or pay for the electric, gas, water, food, car ins, house, and put gas in the car to get to work.....I always have to choose the latter. I feel guilty. I feel like a jerk.
This month I chose to spend some money on the kids. It wasn't much...not even noticeable to them...and now I am short on bills. I get so frustrated! Will I ever get out of this rut? I need a stove(oven is broken) I need some help!!!! I can't work 3 jobs, take care of the bills (2 sets) do all the shopping, all the cleaning, all the cooking, all the child raising, run my own business, and be all the places I have to be all at the same time! Yes I HAVE asked. No was the answer. OK I am done now. Thanks to all who listen to my complaints. My blog is where I vent.

The Rebellion

God.....Please keep my son safe as he does exactly what I ask him not to do. I know he knows better....he has so much potential....

PLEASE keep him safe this night as I sit waiting for his call.....praying he won't be in a wreck as he drives to all the places he is not suppose to be. Give me one more chance to talk to him...to try to figure out what I can do to help him see....the road he is on is paved with pain and only leads backwards and down!

For all of you out there in Internet land....any advice would be helpful. His father is non existent at this point. His grades are dropping. He has been at the same school since the beginning. should I take him out? He moved here this summer after getting in trouble at his dad's. His father is now divorcing and apparently become an alcoholic over the past few years. My son has had little guidance and a lot of heart ache. I had no idea this was going on. He is 16, and confused. His home life has been volatile to say the least and he has huge self esteem issues. do I take him away from everything he has ever known? do I make him angry and ruin what little communication we have? I wish I knew the right way to do this.....

why

Why are we here anyway. I have so much I want to do! It is like cleaning a messy room...where to start. There is no beginning and so many things that HAVE to be done. I waste so much time on things I have to do...and find I sleep when I am not busy doing those things. I wish I had a friend, someone interesting and fun that liked to do things. Someone who would help me out of the rut of mundane...are you out there friend?

The X

Well....The ex has lost his mind! A drinker ...with his meds has now lost his marbles. He is completely destroying what was left of our son's respect for him. At 18 and still in high school our son has decided to move out of the house away from his father. The ex has lost his Wife (not me 2nd) became an alcoholic (6 liters of vodka a week) made life hell for our youngest son, and now pushed the only person left away by mixing meds and alcohol and becoming unintelligible in his speechand irratic in his actions. My son is afraid of coming home from work and finding his father dead. I thought he was ok. I thought all these years he was taking care of them. I was so stupid. So I had no skills, So I was broke, so I didn't want to drag the kids through court...pull them out of school and take them out of the home they grew up in....I should have. I should have taken them out. I thought I was doing what was best. They never said a word about the drinking. The idiot didn't drink when we were together. They said it was fine, good... I am now learning what I never knew...If I would have known....
Couldn't he wait...let the kids finish school?
My youngest has been in trouble. I moved him down here. He now drives and hour to school everyday. He is better. He is happier. BUT he is confused, overwhelmed, and feels like his "life is falling apart." My oldest is now considering moving here... driving an hour to school while working, keeping up with activities, and contemplating college.
I was laid off in March and am going back to work full time Oct. 1st. Plus working 2 part time jobs to help make ends meet. Will it be enough?
Why didn't I take the kids....I thought it was best. I was wrong. I have lived all these years seeing them as much as possible. Praying they were ok...living with the guilt of leaving, praying I was doing what was best for them...Turns out all that was for nothing. All I put them through all our pain, my guilt, and missing them so much all in vain! It was NOT the best choice. I wanted them to have the best. I wanted them to have opportunities. I knew I couldn't give them anything but love. I should have found a way. Now they have to pay...for my decision...The ex and his stupidity. I just wanted them to have a good childhood. How did this happen?