The X

Well....The ex has lost his mind! A drinker ...with his meds has now lost his marbles. He is completely destroying what was left of our son's respect for him. At 18 and still in high school our son has decided to move out of the house away from his father. The ex has lost his Wife (not me 2nd) became an alcoholic (6 liters of vodka a week) made life hell for our youngest son, and now pushed the only person left away by mixing meds and alcohol and becoming unintelligible in his speechand irratic in his actions. My son is afraid of coming home from work and finding his father dead. I thought he was ok. I thought all these years he was taking care of them. I was so stupid. So I had no skills, So I was broke, so I didn't want to drag the kids through court...pull them out of school and take them out of the home they grew up in....I should have. I should have taken them out. I thought I was doing what was best. They never said a word about the drinking. The idiot didn't drink when we were together. They said it was fine, good... I am now learning what I never knew...If I would have known....
Couldn't he wait...let the kids finish school?
My youngest has been in trouble. I moved him down here. He now drives and hour to school everyday. He is better. He is happier. BUT he is confused, overwhelmed, and feels like his "life is falling apart." My oldest is now considering moving here... driving an hour to school while working, keeping up with activities, and contemplating college.
I was laid off in March and am going back to work full time Oct. 1st. Plus working 2 part time jobs to help make ends meet. Will it be enough?
Why didn't I take the kids....I thought it was best. I was wrong. I have lived all these years seeing them as much as possible. Praying they were ok...living with the guilt of leaving, praying I was doing what was best for them...Turns out all that was for nothing. All I put them through all our pain, my guilt, and missing them so much all in vain! It was NOT the best choice. I wanted them to have the best. I wanted them to have opportunities. I knew I couldn't give them anything but love. I should have found a way. Now they have to pay...for my decision...The ex and his stupidity. I just wanted them to have a good childhood. How did this happen?